Assume that’s how your friend feels.
Three Points to Recall
Yes. Yes, of course you can date the ex-partners of your friends. Of course you can. The question should truly be, is it possible to keep your friend ter the process.
Wij’ve all bot there. Wij’ve all had friends with failed relationships. And spil good spil the friendship is, sometimes that ex is just too tasty to fight back. Wij all know there is no cut and dry response to this dilemma. Sometimes this is do-able. And sometimes it isn’t. Some people are very possessive regarding their ex’s. Many years ago I dated the ex of a friend’s cousin. It wasn’t even my friend’s ex. It wasgoed hier cousin’s ex. And the fall out wasgoed unbelievable. But ter more satisfied news, I had another friend who actually hooked mij up with an ex of hers. That worked out fine and joy for all.
I could commence with all that sappy visible stuff, like telling: The very first thing you indeed need to ask yourself is, how significant is this friendship? Is this someone you’ve known through the gym for a year, or is this a long term Trio:00 ter the morning phone call – knows your dearest vodka spil well spil your dearest former teenage idol – kleintje of friend? If this is a friendship worth fighting for, than fight for it. Fight the urge, and get overheen it.
Let’s assume you’ve got Two brain cells to grope together, and you’ve already assessed the situation. This is a good friend, a Three AM friend, and still you find yourself texting The Ex, or casually attempting to crash his weekly blessed hour at a nave drankbuffet.
One of the reasons you have a friend who’s heard you admit you still kinda dig Matt Dillon overheen Three Congregación Goose Dirty Martini’s, is honesty. You can let your hair down and be rechttoe with hier. You can tell hier she has broccoli ter hier teeth. You can tell hier you spent the rent money on a rubdown. Now is not the time to zekering.
Reminisce how it felt to be ter hier footwear. One of the worst things about being dumped is that stupid feeling. Even if you witnessed it coming, you didn’t truly see it coming. Not indeed. So when he told you he wished out, you were blindsided. You felt dumb for not having known he wasgoed unhappy.
Assume that’s how your friend feels. And attempt to imagine how much more magnified that feeling would be if you make hier feel stupid too.
I suggest a pre-emptive strike. Let hier know. Instantly. Yeah, it’s gonna hurt hier, and she will feel open and raw. But when day is done she will still have hier dignity, and that goes a long way. Be truthful with yourself: you wouldn’t want your so-called friend sneaking around behind your back. The odds are, neither would she. You know how she feels about the ex, you know how she feels about you. Much of the sink-or-swim of this, will rely on how she feels about herself. And that is the hard part of the break-up. If you make hier feel bad about herself, she will excommunicate you.
Making hier feel good about herself is NOT about idiotic flattery and fake empathy. All you need to do, is keep three goals ter mind, for every sentence you speak:
- Do not get dragged into a tit for tattoo about hier failed relationship.
- Do not compare.
- And do not everzwijn imply that you can succeed where she failed.
Do not get dragged into a tit for tattoo, this for that, he said she said – kleuter of conversation. If she wants to point out how he never called when he would be late, do not defend him and point out that hier version of late is 25 seconds. If she tells you he didn’t want to meet hier parents, don’t remind hier about Ten years ago when she faked an appendicitis to get out of having Easter dinner with hier then beau’s father. You can’t make the light bulb overheen hier head all of a sudden illuminate where she says, “Oh you’re right. What wasgoed I thinking? I wasgoed wrong, and you deserve him.”That’s not going to toebijten. So don’t argue. Don’t combat every point she makes with correction or an attempt at balanceo.
When she says he wasgoed always late, be hier friend. Not the potential fresh gf. Not hier teacher. Not the judge. Just be hier friend. Just nod. If you feel you have to say something, then sympathize. “That vereiste have bot frustrating.” If she says he wouldn’t meet hier family, just nod. “I know how close you are to your family.” If you don’t give hier a reason to fight firmer, she won’t. She wants to be heard. That’s what that entire Beldad woman thing is about, right? She wants you to hear hier. So, hear hier. She wants to feel better. Just let hier. And be the friend you have bot, not the gf to the ex that you want to be. You don’t have to take sides. If she truly shoves for you to admit a more sided response, bow out. Shrug. “I wasn’t there. I don’t know. But I can see how bothered you were by it.”
Do not compare. Everzwijn. Do not compare how much better you would treat something with this man than she did. Do not compare your past relationships to hers. Do not compare hier past relationships with this one. Do not compare anything. And don’t let hier. Dismantle any comparison she attempts. If she starts comparing: “You are such a stickler for punctuality! You’ll be even more upset than I wasgoed!” Just nod. Shrug. If you point out all the reasons why you won’t get upset like she did, you’re comparing, and you’re making hier fight back. Don’t do that. Don’t make hier fight.
If anything, justify hier. Justify hier feelings, hier intentions, even hier initial attraction. If she says, straight out: “If you know all the bad things he did to mij, then why ter the world do you still want to go out with him!?” You have one response only.
“Because I see what you eyed te him. I’m where you were when you met him.” You understand why she got involved with this dude ter the very first place. She wasgoed attracted, like you are now. Just point that out if you’re shoved. And don’t go any further. You aren’t better than she is. You aren’t going to learn from hier mistakes and succeed where she didn’t. You’re just like hier. At least, let hier have that much.
And that brings mij to my last point. Do not imply that you think you and the ex can have success. If she asks you if you indeed think you can make this work, don’t say yes. Do not say yes! It’s practically throwing down a gauntlet. The very best you can do, is waterput yourself on hier level. Waterput yourself where she is, just ter a different spot on the time line. You can say, “Maybe a month from now you’ll be the one buying mij martini’s.”
Let hier see you spil hier friend, not spil his gf. At least, not yet. When she complains about him, leave it at that I hear ya, sister! feeling.
And the truth is ter the beginning stages, you truly don’t know. She may be 100% right, and you may be exactly where she is te a few months. I do think it’s possible to maintain your friendship while you go out with the ex. Spil long spil you do it with care.
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